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A
while back, I moved to California with the intention of making some new
friends and finding a dog-cloning firm. Yes, you've read that
correctly, I wanted to clone my hound. :) I
searched endlessly for a reputable firm, conducted hours and hours of
internet research, interviewed a number of different cloning companies
and settled on the one outfit that came with the very best of
references.
I
followed the pre-cloning prep instructions for my canine companion on
the day of the DNA extraction down to the finest details ..... dog
wash: CHECK, nails clipped: CHECK, teeth brushed: Ummm - errrr ..... ok CHECK,
doggie shiatsu massage ..... seemed strange to me but whatever: CHECK.
I figured they, as experts, must know what is required to make a
successful clone ..... who was I to question?
I dropped my pooch off at the lab and set off to entertain a gentleman friend. The
last thing the lab tech said to me was "We'll drop your dog off in
a few hours. It'll take about 17
days to cook up your clone. Call us in 3 weeks." I thought: HEY -
that's a rather crass thing to say ..... but I chalked it up to a probable
case of professional apathy and went forward on my merry
way. Perhaps, a new job for the tech was in order ..... hmmmmmm.
Dog
#1 was returned to me several hours later with no obvious scars or
bandages, looking very well-fed, and happy as ever. I was pleased --
elated in fact. During the next couple of weeks, I waited excitedly for
the arrival of Dog #2 as I stocked the house with double the regular
dog things you need -- new leash, second dog bed, more kibble
bowls, ecetera, ecetera.
Exactly
20 days later, I went to pick up Dog #2. I was given the creature
below, supposedly a 99.98% genetic match.
Ummmmmmmmm ..... yeah.
The
firm offered no refunds, exchanges, warranties, "we're sorry"s --
NOTHING! Ugh! I was right ..... the tech was due for a new career .....
After
suffering such heartbreak in San Francisco ....... in August 2005, I
relocated to balmy Southern California as I continued my search for
dual-dog nirvana. I'm currently nursing a mild aversion to white
Persian
cats, meeting some great new friends and adapting to life by the
beach. :)
Frequently asked questions:
Q: What is the name of the dog-cloning firm you used?
A:
After my vast research, I thought I had entrusted my puppy's DNA
with the very best company on earth. It doesn't appear that the technology
itself has been perfected so I will not share the company's name nor
any other info I may have discovered about dog-cloning. I can not, in
good conscience, assist anyone else in this pursuit after what I've endured ..... It's
obviously a
dog-cloning jungle out there. *Dabbing tears with Kleenex*
Q: Did you keep the cat?
A: I'm allergic to cats and it never accepted the whole leash thing so
I auctioned it off on ebay last April for $1.57 and shipped it off
to Kentucky.
Q: Was the cat at least the same genetic sex as your dog?
A: I can't recall ..... I've blocked it out of memory.
Q: Is this a joke?
A: My story is ..... but I'm not. :)
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